A new way...

Besides the annoyance of ad pop-ups and frequent boredom, today has been a good day. No rain today, as was forecasted...but last night, it just fell out of the sky...it was like a ginormous bucket of water with crushed ice (like ice from Sonic in proportion to the ginormous bucket) was dumped over select parts of Abilene. It was kinda cool. Today was pretty much uneventful aside from my interview at Hendrick Medical Center with their community relations for an internship. It went well...more later...

I think what's been weighing pretty heavily on my mind for about the past 15 minutes (okay, maybe a bit longer) is the changing character of my blog entries. When I first started this blog, life was very much different, and entries were a reflection of what was inside my little head, but not much of what was going on to spur on the thoughts, questions and revelations. Lately, it's been more of the outer circumstances, the "physical" happenings of my life. Now, I'm not saying that either is good or bad...but neither is complete. The former doesn't paint a complete picture. If you don't know what's going on in my life physically, then how does the spiritual and emotional aspect matter to anyone? But the latter doesn't give much insight into how I'm really and truly handling life's twists and turns...so here's my proposed solution that I will hopefully carry out. (It occurs to me now that many of you, if any of you, would really care about any of this. I'm surprised that you've actually followed my thought processes this far. But, if you do care, thanks for humoring me.) A full picture of both the physical and the emotional/spiritual together...because what does it matter to people if you offer solutions, but don't tell them the problems they'll solve; or if you only present questions and show the result of answers, but never tell them the answer or how to get to it?

"Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. And pray for us, too, that God may open a door for our message, so that we may proclaim the mystery of Christ, for which I am in chains. Pray that I may proclaim it clearly, as I should. Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. " - Colossians 4:2-6

Be blessed today,
Jezz

Hibernation...

So lately I've been sleeping around 10 hours every night. Before you judge...it hasn't been continuous sleep...just keep that in mind. No, instead I've been waking up randomly and, by the grace of God, falling back to sleep. I'm digging this sleep pattern though. I'm okay with it. I consider it catching up after the school year is over. On average, I only got about five hours of sleep every night...that's not very healthy in my book. So, you could kind of consider this as my "hibernation" period. I am the cuddly bear who, for the summer, likes to rest...alot. Give me a break, I do enough during the school year to make normal people (and myself at extreme points of weakness) have nervous breakdowns. So, give me my sleep, my bed, my pillow and my stuffed dog Rachi, and hear the rhythmic breathing of the fallen asleep! And when I rise, I will awake and refreshed. I'll run a mile or two, do some crunches and eat some protein. Then I am geared up for a day on the couch wil abc family...or a day shopping...or a day with my dog...or a day playing guitar...or a day doing whatever floats my boat or toots my flute!

Rest...it is absolutely priceless. Never take it for granted!

Be blessed,
Jezz

ADD...

In the search for the old school Star Wars Trilogy boxed set...I have failed. The search shall continue tomorrow...frankly I just want to watch the old school ones so I can put some pieces together. We have episode I, but I can't bare to watch cute little Annikin, whom I just saw turn into ugly face head. Anyway...my legs hurt; I'm tired; and I want to take off my contacts. So, I'm cutting this entry short for lack of attention span...more later, of course.

Be blessed,
Jezz

There's a goal...

So Wednesday night was fun...I nearly fell asleep during a Pillar concert (fyi...they're a Christian rock band.) Pillar, John Reuben, Dizmus and Burgundy Road was a long concert. Dizmus had one guy that would only scream those regurgitation screams every time he stepped up to the mic...don't worry, they all screamed regurgitation screams in Dizmus. John Reuben did the whole bring your arm straight up and raising it up and down with the beat of the music; you know, the whole white rapper, eminem type thing...but he did it so quickly, it was amazing. (I tried to do it, but I almost strained something...hehe.) I was slightly disappointed that Thousand Foot Krutch didn't exactly make it to the concert as they were supposed to...oh well, I didn't have to listen to "Rawkfist." Phew!

After doing some shopping and gardening on Thursday, I thought I would have a good night's sleep since I was exhausted, but...no! I went to bed at 11 p.m. and woke up around 1:56 a.m., tried to go back to sleep, but with no luck by 2:21 a.m., it was time for the Food Network. Anywho, I was up until about 4 a.m., then "napped" until 6:15 a.m. and went to work at 8 a.m. Such is life...I tried taking a nap this afternoon, but I couldn't go to sleep. Star Wars tonight...finally...at 9:35 p.m. Hopefully, I'll stay awake throughout the show. I don't think I'll have too much of a problem.

Well...Braves are playing the Bo Sox right now, so me and my new little stuffed dog Rachi (that's short for Rachmaninoff) are gonna, maybe, catch some shut eye...Until we meet again:

"I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:10-14

That's all that matters...the heavenly things. Life and all that is in it is about Jesus Christ. He is everything. What's behind doesn't matter; What's ahead is in His hands...work for Him; work toward Him. His arms are open wide.

Be blessed,
Jezz

Chewy...

Chewbacca was on Regis and Kelly yesterday morning...what a wookie. Apparently he has a wife named Malla and a son named Lumpy. Who knew? Way excited to see him on the big screen sometime this week! Woo hoo!

The grandparents barbecued...so it looks like I have lunch. yippee! Food calls, more later.

Be blessed,
Jezz

one a day...

I've decided to learn how to play all facets of guitar in the next hour...and to update this thing at least once a day again...my fingers hurt.

Be blessed,
Jezz

Strength in weakness...

I've cried until I felt like my heart could explode - until there's absolutely nothing left in me, even unto the depths of my being. You say he's leaving only for six weeks...nothing more, nothing less. But for me, part of me is leaving with him - a part that I cherish beyond so much else in this world - and I don't get to have that part of me for what seems a very long time. That breaks my heart. I've never been one to really cry, but these tears keep flowing, more than I count, flooding my soul. Even now, I miss him more than I have ever known...and I know alot about missing people.

I'm trying so hard to be strong, please understand that. My strength is not my own though, and you should know that by now - that I draw from a source far deeper and wider and more powerful than anything I could ever conjure up.

And here it is:
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

All that I cling to, I lay at His feet...six weeks will come and go.

And if you have no sympathy or simply feel like what I am saying is in no way genuine, authentic, real or relevant and is a waste of your time, then this post was not for you. No remorse from me though; you won't get any. Because, you see, this is the depths of my soul. This is how I feel. This is how my heart aches. This is what is affecting me here and now. This is what is deep within me. And, if this doesn't interest you, then stop reading. This is all I have. This is me.

Be blessed,
Jezz

one last final...

Awaiting the onslaught of my last final, yay for PR Writing...not really, I'm not the most enthusiastic child about Dave's classes. (If you don't know what or who I'm talking about, don't worry about it. Let's just say, it's not my favorite class or professor.) So, once this is done...IT'S OVER!!!

anyway...I'd better study...more later.

Be blessed,
Jezz

Five months, hooray...

Post number two for today...I'm catching up on the weeks of zero posts :)

I'm still working on learning guitar. I just can't seem to get passed any key other than G. Good news though, the keys (did I just say that? that's so 80s. I might as well buy a key-tar, yes!) are still comin' on strong, and in some circles, I'm considered pretty decent on bass...whatever.

I'm intent on doing whatever God has for me in my life...and, honestly, I don't know where that's gonna take me. There are so many things that I want to do, that I could do, but what am I supposed to do? What is it that He has set aside specifically for me? I wonder that, alot...But, I trust that He'll show me in His time. I just have to prepare myself for whatever He may bring my way.

btw...happy five-month, Nathan!

Be blessed today,
Jezz

Semester 6 = finished...

Ya, I know it's been a while...what can I say? It's the end of the semester, and, at this moment, facebook is distracting me...it's taking away all my attention that was due to the bloggity blog blog and putting it on itself! Bad facebook...

As I mentioned, it is the end of another semester here at Abilene Christian University. Six down, two to go. I can't believe it. Is it really almost over? Am I really a senior (of course, I have to pass all my classes, actually just one credit hour, from this semester to be a senior. But we all know how meticulous I am about my grades...so ya)? I guess so...it's been a great ride so far. Classes were good this semester. It was probably the hardest semester yet, but I guess that's what you've gotta expect for upper-level classes and whatnot. Just wait until next year...(evil laughter)...

So, trying to work out the logistics of this summer have been somewhat of a mess. With more than half of my finals behind me, I still don't know if I'm staying in town or hitting the road for an internship. Granted, I'll know by the end of the week, but, man, that just seems like it's cutting it close. And, if I do go, I feel so unprepared right now. But, the Lord will provide. I know that God has this whole summer planned out for me. He knows exactly where I'm going, what I'm doing and how I'm getting there. So here's where I stop worrying and start trusting...answers will come in due time.

As this semester comes to close, I bid you all happy trails...until we meet again.

Be blessed in all you do,
Jezz

Another one passes by...

With one more week left in the semester...I'm swamped. Projects and presentations in every class have taken over my life. But, this too shall pass...

Internship prospects have been narrowed down and one will possibly come through...yay. I have an interview with the Gospel Music Association as an intern working with registration and other aspects of the Music in the Rockies festival/event thingy July 31 through August 6. Definitely cutting it close for band stuff and whatnot...since I'm kinda required to be back in town for drum major stuff (granted that I'm drum major again next year) on the 8th. The internship will last through the whole summer...kinda cool, kinda bummed...I'll be honest.

"Why bummed?" you ask. Well...you see, I'll be missing several weddings that I really wanted to go to, TJ's graduation, I'll probably have to see Star Wars in the theater by myself, definitely won't be able to go to Discovery Camp with the 180 kiddos, three months away is just a long time, and I won't be there to welcome back my Nathan when he comes home from Germany...and I won't see him for another month and a half after he's back in the country. That's rough. But, that too shall pass. I'll see him in due time...and God will bless our time apart, and it'll be more than okay.

I know if I get the internship, it'll be good for me. I'll spend a bit of time away (which, btw, please be praying for me that I can find a good, cheap place to stay in Nashville. And, if you know of anywhere that I could say, please let me know!) and be on my own for a while...that's good for me.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." - Romans 8:28
And it goes on to say "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:37-39

There's always comfort in knowing that God has things taken care of...that His will will be manifested in our lives and through our lives. What's to worry about? He makes all things beautiful in His time. He's our strength in our weakness, deliverer in our bondage, provider in our need, healer in our sickness, friend in our lonliness...our everything in our every want. He is all.

Be blessed today in the Lord,
Jezz

Trust...

Sometimes when you think you're at your lowest and circumstances have gotten you way down...that's when you have to trust the most.
Today has been one of those days...little things have seen to pour out on me, creating one pile of mess. And, to be honest, I really don't know where to go from here. I, myself, cannot do a single thing anymore. My efforts are all useless and in vain. I alone cannot accomplish anything...
But by the grace of God, I trust that He will do exceedingly, abundantly above all I can ask or imagine. He never ceases to amaze me, and I don't think He'll slack off on me now...

So today, I will trust. Tomorrow I will see that He did come through...He is God.

Be blessed,
Jezz

Perfect peace...

So who knew Darby "the Darbster" Hewitt was in the Fall 2004 issue of the ACU Today...really, he's there on page 26...that little stud...

And, life's been pretty hectic lately...or at least the past couple of days. It's one of those weeks where everything just seems to pile up all at the same time (or in this case, the same 48-hour span). And, it's not that I haven't had one of these experiences before; I've actually endured them many times before. It's just that I haven't had very much stress weighing down on me lately, so to have it all come at once makes it really tough...
Not to mention, I'm pretty much infamous for trying to take it all on at once, to be "Supergirl," so to speak. I fly around here and there, never staying long enough to see the rest of the story unfold, just long enough to do my part and leave. "Don't worry. I can take care of it. No, I don't need any help. Yes, I can have it done by then. It's not a problem." - my infamous words..."I can do it on my own." Mainly not to let others worry about it....but what I do instead, especially in times like these, is begin to worry myself. I anguish and stress about it all...all on my own...and normally, I don't want you to know about it..."I can do it myself."

But...I can't. And it usually takes that time of "too much" for me to realize it. So last night as I distractedly worked on scriptures for students, on blessings given to students by faculty members - those who are older, wiser and more knowledgeable in the ways of life and of the Lord - to encourage students and prepare them for life, I didn't even notice the call to action in those scriptures. The word of God was screaming at me, right in between my eyes, but I never noticed; I never thought twice about it...until last night, until I couldn't think anymore, until the confusion of anxiety plagued at every waking thought, when every breath was heavier than the one before...He reminded me:

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4:6-7

Oh how we forget sometimes. How life tends to take a hold of us and throw us around, and we forget that we're grounded in a God that's greater than all of these...and, we don't have to be thrown around. We can stand firm in the middle of the storm and walk on...unshaken, undisturbed, and through the torrential winds of the storm, every hair in its perfect place. That's how firm and steady we can be in Christ. Instead of flailing in the wind, we simply work diligently to accomplish all that is in front of us, to take each step in faith and work as unto the Lord and not to men.

"You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because He trusts in You." - Isaiah 26:3

Be blessed,
Jezz

I like Raisinets...

Yay it's Friday! But, then again, I'm working for 11 hours today...so is there really that much reason to celebrate the weekend, since it most likely will not begin until Saturday...and then my Sunday afternoon/night routine of doing my Ad Creativity and Copywriting (ahhhhh scary) homework will commence soon thereafter.

Anyway...the intensive search for an internship has begun...yay for e-mailing random companies. FYI: a 160-hour academic internship is required for my degree in order for me to graduate. Therfore, no internship = no degree...ouch. I sent five shot-in-the-dark inquiries to random companies in the Christian music industry this morning. We'll see...in good timing, it will come.

Meanwhile...I'll pop my Raisinets, chug my Dole 100% orange juice and work my little tail off.

btw...go to www.theeverglow.com weeee! yay for mae and the fun games!

YAY!!! so i just got an e-mail back from one of my shot-in-the-dark inquiries!!! Does that mean I have to listen to Kids in the Way now? I think it's time for some celebratory Monk and Neagle.

Be blessed today,
Jezz

In trials...

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." - James 1:2-4

It's a passage that I tend to fall upon often. It's a hard one to grasp; it's not all fluff. It's in James, and that's what you'd expect, I guess. But it has meant so much to me. I see it at work all the time. It's one of the many great truths of the Word of God. And, for some reason, it's pointed out to me everywhere...in my life and in the lives of others.

I know it's hard to find joy in the midst of trials, but it's so amazing to think of what's on the other side of it. It's making you stronger; it brings perseverance or patience, as it is sometimes translated. And, it's working to complete you; you're being put under the fire, refined like silver, so that you may one day be just like Christ...He's creating you in His image, and this is part of that process...

So even when it seems so tough...consider it pure joy...and have faith to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Be blessed today,
Jezz

Sidenote: Easter weekend went well...very relaxing and productive at the same time. And...it even snowed on Easter morning (like around midnight to the wee small hours of the morning)! It's amazing how it can snow one morning and then next day it's 80 degrees...I kinda like that weather...

Springtime...

It's springtime...
okay, so last year I posted "it's springtime" in lamentation of the ACU-springtime-let's-find-significant-others-or-I'm-so-in-love craze. This year, I post it as one of the crazed, I'm-so-in-love people. But, don't stop reading there just yet...please read on...

You see, I say "in love" in reference to so much more than just Nathan - who, by the way, I love so much that there really isn't enough room for me to even begin to describe how amazing he is - but life in its abundance as given to me by the Most High God.
"I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." - John 10:10b
It's so amazing what God does to bless us...to give us life.
"Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." - Matthew 10:39

Have a blessed day and an amazing Easter as we celebrate God's incredible love and sacrifice for us.

Jezz

disclaimer...

ok...so i'm not exactly sure where that random links on my last two entries came from...apparently certain catch phrases were linked to some retarded sites...i apologize...hopefully it doesn't happen again, 'cause it's just annoying

whatever...i hate stupid internet shinanigans...

Spring Break 2005...

So why is it that when you know a song (or even if you don't) you have the urge to sing along with it...especially in the car? I know there's probably a good (most likely scientific) reason, but, to be honest, I really don't want to know. I was just throwing that out there for you to think about because I sure did not too long ago...as Tark, Amanda (a.k.a. wifey) and I sang along as we rode down the stretch of I-25 between Denver and Fort Collins...it was fun.

Oh ya...btw...I'm joining you tonight from Colorado...more specific, Fort Collins, Colo., home of Tark. weee!!! Surrounded by beautiful nature and little lanes on the side of the road reserved for bikes, us girls have found solice in contributing to American capitalism...SHOPPING! yes...it's so exciting! We've discovered the disillusionment of taking a stroll in downtown U.S.A. where high-end boutiques and knick knack stores abound...after a while, a $48 pair of jeans looks reasonable compared to the $218 pair we saw yesterday, and then we realize that we don't have $48 to spend on a pair of jeans. More specifically, I remembered why I shop at the mall and other department/discount stores where clothes are reasonably affordable yet still fashionable. Needless to say, we've all spent our penny's worth...that's all I wish to say. We're looking forward to the all-day sleep over party thing tomorrow...we've decided it's in our best interest (and our wallets) to stick around at home, catch some movies on the boob tube and color all the demented pictures in all four Jumbo Fun To Colors...yes!

Back to Abilene on Saturday, church Sunday and then back to the homework routine...this week: billboard ad for Tabasco to be placed on I-35 in Austin...any ideas? Whatever...

Hope you have a wonderfully blessed day in the Lord for He is truly great! I can't tell you that enough...and I encourage you to "taste and see that the Lord is good."

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
As much as I quote that verse, I implore you to try Him and see if that's not true. Because it is...if we could all just grab a hold of the goodness of God...Be blessed,

Jezz

Mail Merge works...

Home from Amarillo...it's good to be back in Abilene.
Although, I must say, the trip to the smelliest city in Texas (actually, that's pretty debatable. You'd be surprised at how any cities in Texas reek...and in so many different ways. i.e. Midland/Odessa...very different smell from the cow patty-swine-odor aroma of Amarillo) was quite enjoyable.
Schedule of events: Kohl's, Youth Rally, food, massive game of Halo 2 - Slayer, That Thing You Do/being retarded, sleep (yay for taking over TJ's sleeping quarters), wake up, Krispy Kreme, Drive, Crusty Burgers in Post, Abilene...yay!

And now that the weekend is behind me, the week before Spring Break (a.k.a. midterm week from the bad place) has commenced. With two tests on Monday, a presentation and a project due on Tuesday, another test on Wednesday, two more tests on Thursday, work-class-work-wedding (hopefully, provided that I can get someone to cover me at work #2), I'll definitely need some good ol' fashioned time management...and sleep. I managed to get some last night with the sacrifice of study time. I figure it's good for me to get these tests done now instead of having to wait until after Spring Break. I can rest through Spring Break and not worry about school...except for that one billboard project I have to do...not worried though.

The summer outlook is on hold until I find out if I get an internship or not. Since I'm graduating next May, I need to get one taken care of this summer, or else I won't exactly receive my degree from ACU until that's done.

It's test time!

"You will keep in perfect peace
him whose mind is steadfast,
because he trusts in you." - Isaiah 26:3

Be blessed,
Jezz

By the way...the title has nothing to do with this entry...

In response...

"I can't see the plans of forever or know each moment called now. The stories of my life are read in time..."

"If time is a line, You are the whole page. So speak each destiny into its proper day. I will dance on the lines and run the white space trail to follow the lead of my role in the Master's tale."

To live my role in the Master's tale all the days of my life...

Be blessed,
Jezz